5-min that took closer to 2 hours... O_O

"The Chinese have a word for guys like you, Major. It's JERK!" Klinger snatched his cup of coffee in one hand and threw its contents in the face of Charles, who sat across from him at the table in shock. He then jumped to his feet, spun on his heel and stormed out of the mess hall, narrowly missing a collision with Hawkeye and BJ. The two incoming officers jumped into the tent as a single unit and gave each other a mutually amused look as they watched the short, furiously stomping man in the red dress disappear into the distance.

"My goodness, Beej. It looked like he was in an awful hurry to get out of here." Hawkeye said pointedly, looking in the direction of Charles, sitting at a table with his head in his hands.

"Must be spam omelette on powdered toast again." BJ mused.

"Well, one thing's for sure, the coffee's no good." Hawkeye gestured for BJ to follow him to the table and they sat down casually a few seats down from Charles, who was silently fuming and dabbing at his shirt with an already soaked brown-stained napkin.

A moment passed in relative quiet, and then BJ leaned on one elbow and gave Charles a sympathetic smile. "Enjoying your breakfast?"

His only reply was a passing glare from Charles.

"Well, Beej, that wasn't really a fair question. Who's the last person who actually enjoyed their breakfast around here?" Hawkeye asked.

"I thought you did, when I brought it to you in bed last week."

Hawkeye giggled quietly. "That wasn't really *breakfast*, Beej."

Charles sighed loudly and put his hands over his eyes. "Gentlemen, although I realize how futile it is to request even the smallest amount of courtesy from the two of you, I must implore you to please spare me your juvenile babbling... this once."

Hawkeye frowned, concentrating on the wet tabletop for a minute.

"Say, this spilled coffee and your sour disposition wouldn't have anything to do with the little Lebanese number in the red dress we just saw storming out the door, would it, Charles?"

When he got no response, he sighed and leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. "Reminds me of the first little spat I had with someone who shall remain nameless. We'll call him BJ."

BJ closed his eyes and shook his head. "Hawk, don't tell him that story."

"We were having a drink, that nameless wonder and I, and somehow we got on the subject of who could balance a full martini glass on his nose the longest. Remember, Beej?" He started giggling giddily. "Remember?"

"Hawk, you're just embarrassing yourself."

"So HE goes first, and it falls on the ground and shatters into a million pieces, and then he got mad when mine stayed on maybe a half a second longer than his did, so the next thing you know we were..."

"Hawk, that's not what happened!" BJ exclaimed.

"How do you know what I was going to say? You just interrupted me before I could get to the good part. Now, suddenly Frank Burns walked in, and we weren't exactly balancing the glasses on our NOSES anymore... and BJ and I got SO MAD at each other that--"

"Hawk!" BJ groaned.

"Okay, okay. Look, anyway, Charles, you know what the moral of the story is?"

Charles gave him a humorless stare. "I assure you, I do not have the mental capacity to fathom what moral could POSSIBLY come from a story like that."

"Well, the moral, Charles, is that the best relationships are the ones most worth fighting for... even if the only fighting you do is with the other person in the relationship."

"Pierce, am I to assume that whatever it is you just told me was intended to parallel the relationship I share with Corporal Klinger?"

Hawkeye shrugged. "Well, not EXACTLY, of course. BJ and I share a beautiful, sacred love that no man can put asunder. Of course, nurses are another story..."

"Not only am I appalled that you could POSSIBLY think such a thing could be possible for a man such as myself, but that even if I were that sort of person, he...HE would even be... an OPTION... the very idea is absurd, Pierce. Absolutely absurd, and I...."

He was interrupted by the sound of the mess hall door swinging open and hitting the side of the tent. BJ and Hawkeye looked with surprise at a very intent-looking Klinger, wearing the same dress and expression, but with a nearly visible aura of determination.

"Major, I demand an apology!" He exclaimed, hands on his hips.

Charles turned around slowly, utterly perplexed.

"Pardon me...?" He finally asked.

"Apology accepted!" Klinger grinned, striding over to the table and plopping down next to Charles. "Let's never fight again."

Hawkeye and BJ watched the spectacle with barely-restrained amusement, and Charles eyed them warily out of the corner of his eye as he spoke.

"I can't make a promise like that, Klinger."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?!"

Hawkeye sighed deeply. "Klinger, as Charles was just telling us... a wise man once told him that the best relationships are worth fighting for, even if... um...oh, Charles, how did it go again?"

"I have no idea, Pierce. I took it as mere nonsense. If you will excuse us." He took Klinger's arm and gave him a half-smile, and they left the mess tent silently.

"Well, how do you like the nerve of that guy?!" Hawkeye cried. "I thought that was damn poetic!"

"Genius is never appreciated in its own time, Hawk. You know that. Hey, Charles probably won't be back for a couple hours... wanna go reenact our first fight?"

Hawkeye raised one eyebrow. "As long as we get to the part where we make up a little sooner than last time."

"Well, in that case, let's just forget the whole fight thing."

"You got yourself a date."

~FIN~

( Ramblings )